Burn It

I have written previously of a group of dads and daughters I recently joined called "Indian Princesses." This is a fantastic group of gentlemen, who when stripped of alcohol, a TV, and sports revert to some prehistoric (or is it prepubescent?) graving for FIRE.

Our monthly craft projects seem innocent enough -- a scarecrow decoration, a dreamcatcher, a purse decorated with foam letters and cut outs. But let's look at the next layer down in these projects. What is the theme in these projects?

The scarecrow seems innocent enough, but upon further examination it's two fake marshmallows on top of fake chocolate, and fake graham cracker -- that's right, a smore -- and that's right, smores are cooked on FIREs.

Next, the purse seems very girlie. However, the pre-fabricated example for the girls has the words "Burn it" emblazoned across the bag (See picture above.). "Burn it" is the popular chant yelled during the winter campout the men toss the hand-crafted sleds on the bon fire, or during the spring camp out when the wooden go-carts meet the same fate -- FIRE.

The dreamcatcher, I can only assume, is used to comfort the girls, ages 5-12, who wake up in the middle of the night screaming "FIRE, FIRE, FIRE -- Daddy, not burn the sled!"

And, I kid you not, even the Christmas Holiday tradition falls prey to their compulsive disorder. The following song is proof of the group's pyromaniac tendencies:

YELLOWKNIFE ROCK- SUNG TO JINGLE BELL ROCK

YELLOWKNIFE,YELLOWKNIFE, YELLOWKNIFE ROCKS
YELLOWKNIFE'S GREEN AND YELLOWKNIFE'S KEEN
CAMPING AND MEETINGS ARE GREAT BIG FUN
NOW THAT THE SEASON HAS BEGUN

YELLOWKNIFE, YELLOWKNIFE, YELLOWKNIFE ROCKS
YELLOWKNIFE SHOUTS AT EVERY CAMP OUT
BUILDING AND RACING IN THE BIG CART RACE
WE ALWAYS WIN FIRST PLACE

WHAT A BRIGHT TIME, IT'S THE RIGHT TIME
TO GROW THE TRIBE EACH YEAR
YELLOWKNIFE TIME IS A SWELL TIME
THERE IS NO TRIBE THAT IS OUR PEER

GIDDY-UP PLAINES NATION, GIVE US YOUR SLED
STACK IT AROUND THE FIRE
LIGHT AND BURN IT UNTIL IT IS DEAD
THAT'S THE YELLOWKNIFE,
THAT'S THE YELLOWKNIFE,
THAT'S THE YELLOWKNIFE ROCK.

"Stack it around the fire -- light and burn it, Until it is dead." Makes you want to grab the matchbook, doesn't it?

A typical campout starts with 3 face cords of wood. A face cord of wood is equal to the wood needed to build 4 to 5 single family houses. The first face cord is burned in the light of day as families arrive to secure their bunks and attach their dreamcatchers.

After the sun goes down, we march to the tribal campfire with coffee cans nailed on top of closet dowel rods. The coffee cans contain toilet paper rolls soaked in jet fuel (Luckily, there is an United Airlines pilot in the group, so we get a discount on jet fuel.). The make-shift torches are lit, as we proceed to the Tribal Nation campfire.

Once positioned, the individual tribal chiefs toss their jet fuel packed toilet paper rolls into a preassembled unlit campfire. Then, we toss sleds or go-carts in the fire, burn the American flag, and sing songs.

Caught you by surprise with that American flag bit, huh? Again -- I am not making this up. Apparently one of the "braves" found the boy-scout approved ritual for burning an old American flag. We literally, cut up the flag and tossed it into the fire, sang amazing grace, and went back to our own tribe's private fire.

On the road back, panic sets in that we might not have enough wood for the rest of the night. Cell phones are wiped out as we begin calling the local lumber yards, as others contemplate how many picnic tables in a face cord -- a dozen or two dozen?

As we abandon our daughters in their cabins to watch their DVD's and get hopped up on candy, we start cranking the bellows and hoisting stacks of wood on the fire. As the hours go by the height of the wood on the fire reaches a good 15 feet. The heat generated from the fire will melt the face a small girl. We have the girl to prove it, Princess "face in shorts."