Reminder to Self: Read on my 64th Birthday
I am going to get you back. Yes, you, you damn kids. This is a little taste (reminder for me) of how I will get you back in my old age.
Ian
First of all, Ian. I will start out by bringing over sleeping bags, down comforters, pillows, and pillow cases. I will wrap them around me and discard them on your living room floors. You will trip on them while going up the stairs, and when you are ready to retire for the evening, you will have to reassemble your bed.
Secondly, I will always have a snack before going to your house for dinner. I will refuse to eat your food, claiming I just don't like it. After dinner is over I will eat all the candy in your pantry.
Lastly, and most importantly, I am going to leave the biggest dark brown dookey in your toilet without flushing. I will not close the door while I make my deposit, and I most certainly will NOT wash my hands.
Devin
I am going over to your house while you are in a dead sleep. I am going to scream bloody murder and howl at the moon, claiming that your brother hit me and that you are the meanest person in the whole world.
While you are on conference calls with your partners at work, I will role play with my doll's and pretend that you are beating your old man senseless -- giving your partners second doubts about your temperament. I will pick up the second line in the house during your calls, and start dialing.
Nolan
With you I will boarder between dementia and "the old man still has it." This will match your current infancy and brilliance with my old age and fading wit. You will be the victim of my senility and provocation to constantly talk. I will tell you about my friends, about the time when you were a baby, and I will read every single sign on the road as you drive me to my play dates.
Unfortunately, you will be forced to take care of me when my incontinence is at it's height (depth? volatility?). In my aversion to diapers, I will walk around naked. I will answer the door when the pizza man comes, or when the UPS man asks for a signature.
Ian
First of all, Ian. I will start out by bringing over sleeping bags, down comforters, pillows, and pillow cases. I will wrap them around me and discard them on your living room floors. You will trip on them while going up the stairs, and when you are ready to retire for the evening, you will have to reassemble your bed.
Secondly, I will always have a snack before going to your house for dinner. I will refuse to eat your food, claiming I just don't like it. After dinner is over I will eat all the candy in your pantry.
Lastly, and most importantly, I am going to leave the biggest dark brown dookey in your toilet without flushing. I will not close the door while I make my deposit, and I most certainly will NOT wash my hands.
Devin
I am going over to your house while you are in a dead sleep. I am going to scream bloody murder and howl at the moon, claiming that your brother hit me and that you are the meanest person in the whole world.
While you are on conference calls with your partners at work, I will role play with my doll's and pretend that you are beating your old man senseless -- giving your partners second doubts about your temperament. I will pick up the second line in the house during your calls, and start dialing.
Nolan
With you I will boarder between dementia and "the old man still has it." This will match your current infancy and brilliance with my old age and fading wit. You will be the victim of my senility and provocation to constantly talk. I will tell you about my friends, about the time when you were a baby, and I will read every single sign on the road as you drive me to my play dates.
Unfortunately, you will be forced to take care of me when my incontinence is at it's height (depth? volatility?). In my aversion to diapers, I will walk around naked. I will answer the door when the pizza man comes, or when the UPS man asks for a signature.
posted by Jon Rachiele at Monday, February 19, 2007
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