Walt Disney World

As we disembarked from the ship, we were bracing ourselves for the harsh polar opposite room accommodations that a cabin in the Fort Wilderness resort would afford us vs. the opulent suite life of the cruise ship. But, with separate rooms (from the children this time, not ourselves), a kitchen, large screen TV, and an outdoor grill the accommodations were perfect for our family. We even cooked steaks on the outdoor grill during our stay.

While enjoying each ride and attraction we had varying degrees of queue wait times. I soon realized how much downtime we had in line after reviewing our pictures from the first couple of days and realized – all of these pictures are of us waiting in line – you can’t even tell what park we are in. This was corrected in later photographs.

My biggest observation during this experience is the number of ‘Electronic Controlled Vehicles (or ECVs). Having just watched Walle on the ship, I was struck by the view point of the film that in the future we are all amorphous blobs with no bone mass being carted around by lounge chair versions of the ECVs. In Disney, I was amazed at the number of people in ECVs in a ride line, who would then get up and transfer themselves onto the ride. All these individuals were overweight. One even looked to be in her mid twenties.

Therefore, I would like to propose the following rules limiting ECVs to only the following individuals:

• People missing both legs (but they are doing amazing things with titanium and prosthetics, have you checked it out?)
• People with oozing puss (this implies some sort of accident or surgery warranting the ECV use. Of course, you must be able to provide visible evidence of said puss either by exposing the sores or a container with a sample of puss)
• People age 70 or over (you lived this long, who knows what bone jarring activities you have done in those last 70 years).
• People with propellers, bullets, shives, or other metal impaled objects (again, appropriate proof is required: either x-ray or the ability to tug on the extrusion)
  

The reason I bring these observations up is that while thinking this blog writing out in my head all day long as a stood in each line, I was surprised when back in our cabin, my wife said, “Isn’t it amazing how many people where using those electronic scooters? I think half of them could go without them and loose some weight by walking instead of riding.” So obviously we live in each others heads.

Okay, so here’s a quick breakdown of each day:

Day 7 – Epcot

After checking into our cabin, we are in the park by 2:00. The hands down favorite ride was Soarin’ -- which is a flight simulator that takes you through the Golden Gate bridge, mountain ski slopes, jungles, rivers, a golf course, along side sky divers, and we ended up above Disney World. Ian had a Sienfeildesque moment reminiscent of the Salsa-Seltzer scene when he said that “Soren would really enjoy Soarin’.”

Ian has picked up one too many of Krista and my conversations, and had us rolling with some of his own. He has quipped back to us:

• “Mom are you getting liquored up again?”
• “My dogs are barking.”
• “Devin’s snot is pitch green.”

Day 8 – Animal Kingdom; Blizzard Beach

In Animal Kingdom we really enjoyed the African safari ride complete with giraffes, lions, rhinos, ostriches, and warthogs. The imagineers at Disney blurred the lines between reality, props, and video. Where those ostrich eggs real? How was the CGI video display of the turtle character, Crush (from Finding Nemo), able to interact with the audience? The kids were completely confused between what was real and what was imaginary. As we walked outside in Animal Kingdom, Ian pointed towards the sky and said, “Dad, look, it’s just like the sun.” Um, Ian, it is the sun.

Even Devin asked me after visiting the Hall of Presidents, “Was that the real George Bush or a robot?” I answered, “Well if it was the real George Bush, it would explain why things are so bad with the economy and war – doing a show every twenty minutes at Disney World is not providing him with enough to concentrate on the real problems facing our nation.”

Day 9 – Magic Kingdom

When we were in college my senior year roommate and close friend, Titus, mentioned that he really admired Krista’s time management skills. An odd observation at the time, but true nonetheless. This was firmly underlined during our visit to the Magic Kingdom. I kid you negative when I tell you this was the completed itinerary of the day (note it started at 9:00 AM and ended at 2:00 AM the next day)

1. Space Mountain
2. Astro Orbitor
3. Buzz Lightyear
4. Winnie the Pooh
5. Dumbo
6. Mickey’s Philharmagic
7. Peter Pan
8. Haunted Mansion
9. It’s a Small World
10. The Hall of Presidents
11. Splash Mountain
12. Parade 1
13. Two Hour Nap and Grilled Steak Dinner at the cabin
14. Pirates of the Caribbean
15. Jungle Cruise
16. Aladdin’s Magic Carpets
17. Pirates of the Caribbean
18. Big Thunder Mountain
19. Fireworks
20. Laugh Floor
21. Parade #2
22. Buzz Lightyear (again)
23. Stitch – The Great Escape

Day 10 – Hollywood Studios; Typhoon Lagoon

The best ride and worst ride ever – Tower of Terror and Tower of Terror. As one wait line companion put it, “I really enjoy the rides that cause you to scream uncontrollably.” Yes, and sometimes I put my hand on the lit stove burner just feel alive. The ride was worth the price of admission – every detailed prop, video, graphic, and wait-line engineered process was thoroughly thought through. And the fact that each ride is randomly controlled meant that no repeated ride was ever the same.

Ian and I munched on the turkey legs from an 85 lb turkey for lunch. To which Krista reminded us, “You know with the change in time zones, you do realize you are eating breakfast right now.”

“But where else can we hunker down on a salt-cured, tendon-laden, dark meat? -- it’s Disney Magical,” I thought to myself.

Finally on the last day the heat of the sun and the crammed streets of Hollywood beckoned us to leave and head to Typhoon Lagoon. Here eight foot waves swallowed my children whole. I have lost my children for the last time.