Top 10 Ways to Dawdle

BY DEVIN RACHIELE

I am guest blogging on my family's website tonight, to share with you the knowledge I have accumulated from ages 11-13 on "How to dawdle." My father's definition of dawdle is to waste time. This is mostly employed when forced with bed time, or when wanting to get out of family chores. Why go to bed at 8:30, when you can waste time and end up going to sleep around 11:00? Simply use these techniques to avoid any task that your mom or dad asks of you.

Number 10 -- Get in a time out. For you girls out there with brothers this is doubly rewarding. Wind up and hit them as hard as you can, and know that you will be spending the next one hour in room with all the free time in the world. I have read all three books of the "Hunger Games" using this technique.

Number 9 -- Ask to clean your room. You're now out of the line of fire for the next three hours. They can't see you -- outta site, outta mind.

Number 8 -- Hair Twirling. This is great for those of us girls with long hair -- you can use both hands!

Number 7 -- Sing. Sing. Sing. -=or=- Cry. Cry. Cry. Dad hates it -- you might get a time out, see number 10.

Number 6 -- Only do what your told. "Sure, I 'll clean up my room. What do I do next? Okay, the shirt on the floor is in the now in the hamper, what next? Oh, the pants, too? Okay, what's next?"

Number 5 -- Random Dancing. Just asked to put something away? Stand up and twirl. Ballet lessons are excellent for developing these skills, and draining your parent's wallet at the same time. Girl, put on those short-shorts and twirl. "Dad, I have to practice -- what, do you want me to fail life?"

Number 4 -- Use your less dominant hand and three fingers to do tasks. Need to wipe down that counter in a hurry? For the right handed person, this can take a good three to four hours if you use your left hand, thumb, and ring finer. You'll be surprised at how quickly your father grabs the rag out of your hand, and exclaims, "forget it, I'll just do it."

Number 3 -- Removing make up. Just received the "bed time" announcement? Don't worry, you won't be in bed for another two hours. Does dad really know how long it takes to take off mascara? Well girls, he doesn't. Go in the bathroom, grab a tissue and cold cream and spend the next two hours looking at your favorite person -- you.

Number 2 -- Sorry, Sarah Palin for this next one -- act retarded. It's hard for your parents to tell you to do chores when you can't do the most simple task. "Put what away in the sink? Where's the sink?" "Hey, I think I forgot how to breathe." "We have a plunger?" -- these are all examples of things I have said in the past that gets my dad frustrated and sent out of the room.

Number 1 -- My elbow condition is acting up (our family code word for female plumbing issues). Dad will freeze and shut down on the spot.