Attack of the Lama; Brown Sugar Recipes; Best Vacation of the Year

I couldn’t decide the best title for this blog entry, so I decided on all three. “Attach of the Lama” is best experienced through the video portion of this blog. “Brown Sugar Recipes” refers to the fact that every meal we had, incorporated brown sugar. “Best Vacation of the Year” was my children’s choice, but I don’t put much stock in the assessment, as it’s the only vacation we’ve taken this year. This is akin to the Nolan’s acclimation that I am the “Best Dad he’s ever had” – how many Dads does he actually have?

The List
Any good project and any good vacation begin with a list of goals/objectives. My family and I created the following list before starting our journey to La Valle, Wisconsin, or more precisely, Dutch Hallow. Here Krista’s dad built a cabin sixteen years ago. He designed the cabin, and had the local Amish carpenters build it. Three years ago, a frequent renter copied the same architecture and built the same cabin two blocks away.

Here’s the list, see if you can find the one thing we did not accomplish:
■ Go for a boat ride
■ Watch “Ice Age 3” in 3D
■ Swim at the pool
■ Go horseback riding
■ Jump on the water trampoline
■ Make ribs
■ BBQ Shrimp
■ Roasting Marshmallows
■ Play Wii
■ Play “Real” Tennis
■ Read a Book
■ Cook cobbler on the campfire
■ Fireworks
■ Cook Pork Shoulder, and make pulled pork
■ Go for a biking riding on th e”400” trail
■ Fish
■ Attend one of the water parks at the Wisconsin Dells

July Fourth Weekend – Gilson Beach; Parade; Rick’s; Packing; Water Trampoline; Rummy K
We spent the July Fourth weekend in Glenview. Friday was a Hewitt holiday, so we spent the day at Gilson Beach in Wilmette.

Saturday was the Fourth of July. Holiday’s for our family have fallen into a bit of a routine, um, sorry, I mean they have become “Traditional”. We decorate bikes at the Parson’s house for the bike parade, we watched the parade (or alternatively march in it with the Indian Guides/Princesses), and head over to the Klish’s for a BBQ.

Luckily, I have trained my youngest to get me out of these “traditional” settings by whining with the desire “to just go home.” This seed is planted early in the day when I lean over to Nolan and say, “Wouldn’t you just like to watch ‘Batman: The Brave and the Bold’ on the big screen at home?” The desire to leave for home early paid additional dividends, as I was able to convince Nolan that if we took a nap, we could stay up until midnight and watch the fireworks.

After the nap, Ian surprised me with another break in the routine by stating “Just drop me off at Rick’s and pick me up later.” Typically, we head over to the Glenview Golf Course to play in the sand traps and watch the village fireworks. But now, Ian wanted to go to his friend, Rick’s, house. Rick is really Krista and my friend as he is our age, but let’s let Ian have his day. Rick has a pool and hot tub in the back yard, and loads up with a ton of fireworks each year. After my third grilled cheeseburger of the day, we handed lighters and sticks of dynamite to our children and told them to make sure to only light the fireworks in the street – I love America.

Sunday, we spent the day packing for the trip. I woke up early to finish the payroll for the Glenview Youth Baseball umpires. We didn’t get on the road until Noon. I tend to over pack, and must admit that the three dry cleaned shirts were never pulled out of the plastic bag. Likewise, I never wore more than one bathing suit (I packed three), and the dinner jacket was totally uncalled for.

By the time we arrived at the Lake House it was five o’clock. After unpacking the van – which included among other things: five tennis rackets, two bikes, six pieces of luggage, 3 dodge balls, a cast-iron Dutch oven, a set of baseball bases, dog bed, three sleeping bags, a tent, large screen projector, and a Wii game console complete with guitar and Wii fit board.

The best item packed was the water trampoline – a thirteen foot diameter inner tube with a mesh top. This was a Krista-Jon fight in the making. I saw it three weeks ago at Dick’s ($100 off, it’s big, potential life threatening, and guarantees a fight with my wife – how could I not buy this item?). In retrospect, I should have consulted my wife before purchasing it (I only write that because my wife will later be reading this. It is, after all, easier to beg for forgiveness, then ask for permission.). We anchored the trampoline in the public beach area, bounced until cocktail hour, and went back “home.”

Cocktail hour is the time of day when my wife, her Dad, and Elaine “get their shine on.” Cheese from the local cheese house is cut, chips poured into bowls, and we sit on the back porch overlooking the lake. We played Rummy K (or Rummy Q, depending on which version of the Milton-Bradley game you own). This game was re-introduced to our family during my Mom’s stay in the local rehab facility. As we have recently checked out other “retirement villages” we realized that this is a staple in the octogenarian game set.

Monday – Paul Bunyan’s; BBQ Shrimp; Tennis; Pool; Butter Pecan & Blue Moon Ice Cream; Kick Ball, Shrinky Dinks; Fireworks; Cobbler; LRC
A trip to Wisconsin wouldn’t be complete without making one or two day-trips to the Wisconsin Dells. After waiting for everyone to wake up, we all pile into the van and head to Paul Bunyan’s Cock Shanty. Here we are offered all-you-can eat biscuits-n-gravy, scrambled eggs, pancakes, skillet potatoes, and our first brown sugar recipe of the vacation – homemade donuts rolled in brown sugar. Food is served on metal plates upon picnic tables, with cast-iron cookware nailed to the wall along with saws and pictures of lumberjacks from the 1900s. To quote my children (in a sing-songy voice) “Paul Bunyan’s – were the food is good, but not to good – eh!”

On our ride home we pick up “past the expiration date” meat (on sale, can you imagine?), and a couple pound sacks of brown sugar. Devin, Ian, and Grandma are at the pool while Krista and I then work off some of those homemade donuts by playing tennis, and a newly appointed ball boy, Nolan, joins us. Nolan is such a good sport as Krista and I litter the courts with 50 tennis balls like blind people swatting flies. Krista later comments, “Nolan is like the child we always wanted.”

We join the older kids at the pool, hit strangers in the face with a ball as we play keep away, and sit pool side as we lick ice cream cones filled with homemade custard – butter-pecan and blue moon ice cream – no wonder these Wisconsin natives are as large as air-stream campers.

Nolan, having two minutes of inactivity declares that he is bored, so we pull out shrinky-dinks – what is more satisfying on a hot day, than being inside with the oven turned on.

While the shrimp is marinating in brown sugar, cayne pepper sauce; the adults are getting their “shine on” and we play Left, Right, Center – a dice game we played in college, now marketed as a family game.

After dinner, the family lays out the bases and we line up for kickball. The dog starts its continual barking as I try to judge who can kick farther, Grandpa or Nolan? The group then takes a pontoon boat ride, while I make apple cobbler in the Dutch oven (can you guess? – yes, brown sugar!).

At night while having my hot ‘n bubbly, famous, “it taste like the roof of my mouth” cobbler, we watch Ian finally light his fireworks which he has been talking about since the drive up to Wisconsin – “Mom, did you see that fireworks sign? Mom, you passed it. Mom, there’s another one, can we stop?”

Tuesday – Fishing; Boat Talking; Horseback Riding; Lama Attack; Ribs; Smores; Fireworks
On Tuesday, we head down to the pier to fish. Hot dogs and white bread provide the right bait. Although, Ian has been convinced by his friend Daniel, back home, that you really need to spit on your bait for it to be effective.

Meanwhile, Krista and her father are engaged in a conversation on the pontoon boat, the sound of which caries across the entire lake. Krista has inherited her father’s gift of gab.

I often comment to Krista that it is okay not to see something and have to comment about it at the same time. For instance, if we were sitting in the living room the one-sided conversation might go like this – “Oh, look the clock has stopped. Nolan, honey, put that down. Oh, the phone, I really do need to call Jen. Devin, stop that singing – it’s driving mommy nuts dear. The clock stopped, we are late, get in the car.”

So you can imagine the two of them (dad and daughter) chatting away. Devin eventually turns to me and says, “Is grandpa still talking?”

Speaking of talk, poop talk is big in my family. A horseback riding is fun, but combine it with horses pooing, and it’s an all out riot. “Mom, look at Devin’s horse, its pooing green!” After an hour of play-by-play details on every void that our horses make, Clem, our tour guide (who looks better from a far, rather than up close), finally says “everyone poops and pees.”
After being bucked by Krista’s horse, you think I would have learned my lesson on the spooky nature of horses. But, alas, after a “dare” from Ian, I push down a dead tree that sends the horses bolting. Back at the stable/petting zoo Krista is toppled over from a lama who just wants a kiss.

Wednesday – Dad & Elaine Leave; Water Park; Kendra Arrives; Pudgy Pies
On our second day trip to the Dells, we go to one of the many indoor water parks on the rainy Wednesday morning. Here, Ian learns to surf on the perpetual wave machine, Devin gets dropped from the toilet bowl ride into 9 feet of water, and Nolan runs and endless loop up and down the water slide.

Kendra arrives on Wednesday night, and Krista has a new partner to shine on with. After the “traditional” fireworks (these really have become routine), we make pudgy pies in pie irons placed on the campfire. Our version of pudgy pies ranges from slices of toast with raspberry filling, or Reese’s’ cups baked in biscuit dough – both of these versions are rolled in brown sugar, of course.

Thursday – Boat/Trampoline; Chicken Legs; Fajitas; Pudgy Pies II; Book; Bad Storm
On Thursday, we spend the day on the pontoon boat. We have affixed the water trampoline to the boat (which when emptied and at full-throttle is the biggest kite you’ve ever seen). I introduce the kids to “chicken” on the inner tube. This is another way of saying “You have my permission to fight, just don’t end up in the hospital.”

The list is ever popular with Nolan who picks it up and “reads” it constantly. Luckily, Devin has drawn some icons next to each item, so Nolan can decipher the words. At a recent party, John Masserelli commented to me that “You’re a big reader; you should read ‘One Second After’.” The fact that someone called me a “big reader” motivated me to actually read. It’s a great book. I am always a fan of the post-apocalyptical story/movie. Makes you want to stock up on insulin, guns, cigarettes, and canned goods – just in case.

Friday –Monkey Bread; Pink Panther 2; Tennis; Volleyball; Pulled Pork/Tacos; Ice Age 3; Brown Umbrella
Friday morning, we make “Monkey Bread” which is biscuit dough rolled into little balls rolled in brown sugar and cinnamon. The name comes from image of eating the bread like apes picking the fleas off of one another and enjoying a little treat.

While Krista starts an unintentional fire trying to cook the “Monkey Bread,” I set up the projector and we watch “Pink Panther 2.” More tennis and volley ball ensue. While we marinate the “Pork Shoulder” in brown sugar, and let it cook on the grill for five hours. This has totally screwed up our schedule, and we opt to have “Taco Bell” instead after watching “Ice Age 3” in 3D at the theatre at the Dells – our typical venue of the Reedsburg Theater was destroyed after last year’s flood.

We purchase another patio umbrella for Dad & Elaine, as the storm the night before shattered the aluminum structure in a wind gust that seemed to only impact our house. Krista and I convince each other that brown will match the green seat cushions on the patio, “Green and Brown are earthy colors.”

Saturday – Boat; Pulled Pork; Packing; Washing Floor
Saturday is the only day Devin sleeps in. This is because she knows we spend the day cleaning, and is hoping to miss out on the bulk of it.

We break up the cleaning routine by taking the boat on one last ride. While Krista parks the van, I launch the boat, only to realize the boat key is with Krista. Krista throws the key like a girl with two left arms, and I end up swimming to retrieve it.

After swimming to the key, the children are alone in what I consider now a sail boat, rather than a pontoon boat as the wind has taken her to sea. I realize that while round is a shape, my body would better propel itself if it was differently shaped. “Is this how I am going to die? Drowning on the last day of vacation?”

What’s Missing?
The vacation is done. After reviewing the list, only one thing is not accomplished – the bike ride on the old “400” trail. Oh well, the bikes didn’t take up to much room in the van.